I had six seperate pictures that worked as a chronological narrative. I'll go into a bit of detail of what each means to me.
The first picture is reference to who I was eight years ago; the girl in school that no one wanted to talk to unless you needed something. I was made fun of, harassed, and branded; at home and at school. Those words seeped under my skin and I started believing it. I was trapped. I couldn't say anything and I felt like I was backed into a corner, pushed to the ground and unable to stand up for myself. The one word that I couldn't get off my chest was fat. I heard it from everyone, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I felt like I had no support system, and all I ever did was cry. What else could I do? I was so young...
The second picture signifies the struggle of trying to drown out those voices. I got sick of hearing the same things and feeling the same way. Those words that bothered me were no longer apparent, but in some way those voices were able to influence me, and steered me into a direction I didn't intend on following.
The third picture; things settled down and I finally felt like I could be something else, someone else. I did what I needed to do, to satisfy myself as well as others. I wasn't that girl who had all those words attached to her, but someone who was a little more proud. Still, I wasn't too sure of who I was becoming was healthy, both physically and emotionally.
Numero four. After all that hype about being proud, I realized I kind of wasn't proud of who I became. I was still frustrated with the same things because I tried to solve them with the wrong answers. It wasn't until last year when I decided that I had to get out of that state of mind. I've always held an inner strength, but I failed to realize. And though I had to step out into this new light of thinking with very little assurance, I knew this time would be right. That when my life came to an end, I'd be happy with who I am, the decisions I've made and love myself no matter what anyone else said. A scary world indeed, but I'm glad I opened that door for myself.
The fifth and sixth picture are a pretty accurate representation of who I am now; this goofy girl who loves to smile and have fun. These days aren't so grim, and even when life throws the occasional obstacle, I can find my way around it. It took a long time to get to this point, but I can finally say that I do love myself. I am in no way perfect, but I know that I'm a good person.
Everyday is another day to grow.
6 comments:
Loving your self portraits... I especially love your first image, you did a great job of expressing yourself!!
Jessica!
All I can says is WOW! I'm so glad you decided to share this with the world, (and your class). It sounds like you went through some downright hellish times, but I'm so glad you made it through all the bad and have good in your life now.
I'm a big believer that the more your share with people, and the more personal things you put into your work, the more people can appreciate and relate to your work. I think in someway, everyone has felt the way you described in your blog, but not everyone is able to admit it, or even wants to admit it. I think it's incredibly courageous that you opened up to your class about not only the bad things that happened to you, but how it made you feel.
You're a beautiful, strong, lovely young woman, with a great sense of humor, and who takes great photos. I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
AO!
WOW! the newest upcoming documentary photographer! Applying feeling into images is one thing, an amazing capability, but applying straight forward, deep and at-the-core sort of text to the image(s) is, well... you make it seem so easy... brilliant! And the fact that you were able to do that in regards to yourself is um... what's the word?... well there's no one word actually. Maybe it's just that you know yourself so well and are accepting enough of your own self that gives you the ability to express your self with the confidence that you do.
Cheers to you, girl!
rhonda
PS - in reading my comment back to myself, i wonder if i got my point across sufficiently. i think you'll 'get it' though.
I'm really happy you posted these too. I think you're very strong, I have a really hard time sharing anything about myself sometimes!!
Also very happy you realized how the only thing that matters if what you think of yourself... =)
I'm glad to see your courage coming through your art. It's not easy to do self-portraits, but you really took it to a deeper level. Way to go for being so open!
i think you have done just fine . . . and i applaud you.
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